Phyllis’ Story

Few people really know or understand the depth of pain and life-torn journey a victim takes to heal from abuse.  Nor do they appreciate the impact of the abuse that plays havoc on one’s life.  But only those victims who have the courage to take the journey can grasp the depth of freedom and wholeness that comes with healing.  And if the soul is addressed and nurtured in the process, there is another rebirth and love for the Lord that often follows.

I grew up in a small town. The predominate social activities for families were their churches and a country club.  My family was very involved in church with activities & potluck midweek, church services 3 times/week, and many other outside activities with church families. 

At nine years old, the pastor began sexually abusing me along with his daughter that was my age.  When I was eleven years old, he and his family moved away, and the church split over whether the few stories that were told about him were truth. No one asked the little girls in the church and none of us told. I was very sad when they moved, and my soul went dark to connecting to any relationship I had with God before that.  Church became a social place with rules to rebel against. I became promiscuous and rebellious, but all the memories of abuse were buried and unprocessed for many years.

When I was 48, my youngest daughter turned the same age I was at the beginning of abuse and I began having flashbacks.  We were stationed with the military in a new city and my family of three daughters and a husband began attending a new church, but in the same denomination I was abused as a child. 

I thought I was going crazy.  I went to see a counselor, initially for help in my marriage, but early in the session, I began to share how I felt like I was losing my mind.  I had never sought counseling before, but God’s hand clearly directed me to this man.  He had recently completed his training within a center where one of the first Christian authors, Dan Allender began writing about sexual abuse. 

My counselor immediately began to focus on childhood abuse as the memories began to push and rip their way out my subconscious. One year of my life in these initial recovery months was hell with a continual sense I was losing it.

Over the next few years with counseling, recovery groups, and eventually leading recovery groups, a great joy turned me from a victim to a survivor and then to become a “wounded healer” as Henri Nouwen calls us.  Just like Jesus carried His nail scars in His body to the Doubting Thomas’s of the world, we survivors have our scars to walk with those who doubt so they can have the courage to take the journey to freedom.