Lisa's Story

April is a month full of life for many. It’s spring. We celebrate Easter. We walk through the 40 days of Eastertide before Pentecost, where the Spirit of the Resurrected King is alive and active. Flowers bloom. Creation comes alive. New life is everywhere.

But for a significant portion of the population, April is also a sobering month. It is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

For most of my life, I wanted nothing to do with that awareness.

I didn’t want reminders of what had been done to me as a preschool child and as a teenage girl. I didn’t want language for it. I didn’t want to name it. Like so many women, I spent years trying to move past it by pretending it hadn’t affected me by constantly telling myself, “I’m fine.” “Don’t I look fine?” “I’m fine, really I'm fine.”

I had no idea what unresolved trauma does to the mind, the body, and the soul. I had no idea how it would show up—not just in me, but in my family—until I stopped running. Until I invited God into the truth of what I had experienced. Until I allowed myself to say: this happened, and it mattered.

In California, we have a penal code that defines, with precision, what is illegal. And it goes further than most people realize. Most people understand sexual harassment. There was a massive campaign in the 80s and 90s—“Don’t do it. Don’t take it.” “Sexual harassment—it’s against the law.” It was everywhere: commercials, radio, newspapers, workplaces. We were trained to recognize harassment. Sexual harassment is typically handled as a civil violation—unwanted comments, suggestive behavior, hostile environments.

But what we were not taught is this:

Much of what we were told was harassment was actually assault. 

Under California Penal Code Section 240, assault is:

 An unlawful attempt, coupled with a present ability, to commit a violent injury.

No physical contact is required. Assault is threat, positioning, coercion, intimidation—combined with the ability to act. It is the moment your body recognizes: I am not safe. This is making me feel uncomfortable.

And that is not civil. That is criminal.

I grew up watching movies and television where women would say, “That’s sexual harassment, and I don’t have to take it.” But what was actually being depicted was not harassment. It was a threat. It was pressure. It was intimidation. It was an escalation. It was assault.

Under California Penal Code Section 242, battery is physical contact.And under California Penal Code Section 243.4, sexual battery is non-consensual sexual touching. That is what people think sexual assault is. But legally, the criminal actions started long before that at the actual assault.

I learned this the hard way. When I pressed charges against one of my perpetrators who molested me, I was told there were over 100 counts.

Over 100.

I remember sitting there thinking, Was I really that much of a victim? It didn’t make sense to me. Because I had never been taught the law. What I didn’t understand at the time was this: As a minor, every instance of grooming was assault.

Every time he “came on” to me—assault.Every time he isolated me with intent—assault.Every sexually explicit conversation—assault.Giving me materials to prepare me—assault.Using his authority to move me closer to a sexual act—assault.

Every action he took to engage in a sexual act with me was criminal.

Not just the end.

Most people don’t report sexual battery because they think it means there is something wrong with them. But they would feel comfortable reporting sexual assault if they knew what it was because their gut is telling them there is something wrong with the other person. But when they think they can only report physical violations, they’ve been hit by a ten-ton truck of shame because of what they’ve endured—sexual battery.

And when I was told I had experienced sexual battery—that I was a battered woman—it shattered my self-image. I didn’t identify with that word. I didn’t want it. I couldn’t hold it. So while I was asking the courts to bring me justice for what I endured, and a plea deal came that reduced the charges, I took it.

Not because it was right. But because I wasn’t ready to fully face the weight of what had been done. That is the reality many women live in.

We minimize.We disconnect.We struggle to name the fullness of our experience.

But here is the truth. The law names it, even when we don’t. And if women were taught the difference between harassment, assault, and battery earlier—if they were told clearly:

• You do not have to be touched for a crime to occur 

• You do not have to wait for escalation 

• You have the right to report assault 

Sexual Assault is about someone trying to overpower and take advantage of you. 

My sexual battery almost cost me my marriage, and on more than one occasion I’ve fallen into suicidal ideation. I thought I was the only one who just “couldn’t get over it” I thought there was something drastically wrong with me – I found however what I was experiencing was normal and biologically necessary to release my experiences, and once I found Anne Richardson and Not Alone I had my first real glimpse at what healing could actually look like.

After years of healing, I accepted an invitation from God to co-found Phasing Out of Trauma, and now I walk with women through their own healing journey, honoring where they are and inviting them through the phases as they’re ready to invite God further into their journey and re-embrace more of who he created them to be. 

If you want to know more about how you can move through the legal process with your perpetrator, or how you can start your own healing journey that may or may not include civil criminal justice, you are welcome to reach out to me at (619) 847-0159 or visit us at PhasingOutofTrauma.zohosites.com.