Chou’s Story

Trauma Changed Us & Now We’re Rewriting Our Stories

I did not know how sexual assault would impact me. Like many, I knew about the immediate impact. The shame, the guilt, the low self-esteem, the isolation, and I thought once I was out of it, all would be well. I thought once I was out of the house, the memories would stay there.

Little did I know that I dragged them with me everywhere I went … in every conversation, in every room, in every city. That's what trauma does to us.

Escaping the abuse is the first step. Recovering from the abuse is a process.

You see, trauma changes the way we see ourselves. It changes the way we see the world. It changes the way we do life. It changes the way we interact with every little thing that we encounter.

Trauma teaches your brain that the world is not a safe place. Trauma teaches your brain that people are dangerous. Trauma teaches your brain that your body might not be yours to control.

Those of us who've been through sexual trauma can find evidence of those statements, but there's the other truth that requires us to flip the coin. And as we flip the coin, we flip the story. We change the narrative. What might have happened to us in childhood, last year, in that relationship, was not okay, and we can flip the story.

It's not our fault that people took advantage of us. It's not our fault that people abused us. It's not our fault that people cannot exercise self-control.

No matter what we have said or done, there's no excuse for abuse.

But abuse leaves marks that are deeper than scars. It leaves marks that no stitches can completely heal. A decade after the abuse, I still found myself questioning, “Have I done enough? Am I enough? Have I said that right? Could I have said that better?”  And countless times, I found the need to over-explain, over-justify,  and at times even question my own sanity, after the abuse and the abusers were no longer in my life.

Healing from the abuse was not just walking away.

That was just the first step. Healing from the abuse was starting to uncover and confront all the lies that I believed about myself, about the world, about God. And I've heard this said over and over again, “Where was God when all this happened? Why did God allow this to happen to me?”

I am not God, and I'm never going to pretend to be God, but this is one thing I have come to understand along my own journey of healing. Just like God stands at the door of our hearts and knocks (Revelation 3:20), waiting for us to allow Him into our lives so we can enjoy the abundant life that is ours in Christ (John 10:10), He also stands at the door and implores people to do the right thing. And just like we have free will to choose Jesus as our Savior and Lord, people have free will to turn from their evil ways, to surrender and ask for help to do the right thing.

Many of us who carry the scars of what had happened to us in the past might realize that those scars are now becoming testimonies of how God carried us through. Perhaps He did not stop the abuser, but He sheltered us in ways that we might not see until we are on the other side of it. If God was not there, we would not be here. If God were not there, where would we be?

As a survivor, I am outraged at the incidents of so many women and men who lost their lives over domestic violence and over sexual abuse. And I cannot and will not stay silent. Their lives deserve to be honored. Their lives deserve to be remembered.

So here I pause. I encourage you, as you're reading this or listening to this, please pause for even a second and honor their lives. May we all do our part so that no one else around us suffers in that way, no one else around us dies at the end of another person who did not, could not exercise self-control.

What part are you doing? We all have a part to play.

When I realized that my story was not just mine to bear, but was for all of us, it changed everything. What you've been through, what I've been through, is the survival roadmap that someone else needs.

Over the years, as I healed and rediscovered who I was created to be … courageous, beautiful inside and out, ambitious, assertive, powerful in my own way … I wanted to give that same gift that I so freely received from the Father. I want to give that same gift to others who have been through traumatic experiences. And that's why I created Rewrite Your Story.

Postgraduate training in rehabilitation counseling, certification in trauma, and so many others. My formal education crafted my expertise and gives me the framework to do this well, in an effective and clinical way. But, I believe it's my personal experience with the pain of trauma that allows me to connect with the hearts of those who are going through it or those who've been through it. That heart-to-heart connection helps others find the hope and the grace that they need to discover the peace that surpasses all understanding and joy unspeakable, so they too can rewrite their story.

If your sense of self has been shattered …

If you doubt yourself and everything about you …

If you don't even know who you are anymore because of what you've been through ….

If you feel lost, and the future feels so dim because your past is so somber …

I want to tell you this: I get it, and you are not alone.

I invite you to find a community, to find someone, a counselor, a support group where you can find support. And I also invite you to join us on this journey of rewriting your stories. It's a virtual program that allows you to acknowledge what has happened, address it, heal from it, and with the support of a credentialed clinician and the help of the Holy Spirit, write a new narrative for your best life from this day forward. If you're interested in that, please reach out to me at info@graceandhopeforfamilies.org.

Chou Hallegra is a trauma survivor, an ordained minister and certified counselor with expertise in trauma recovery who has devoted her life to helping others be well, do well, work well, and lead well.