Tips for Survivors

1.    Write Your Story. Read it Out Loud.

2.    Find a safe person to read it to.  Sharing it breaks the chains of shame.

3.    Find a good therapist. Interview.

4.    Find a support group. Important to know you are not alone.

5.    Know the truth vs toxic shame

6.    Practice Self-Compassion Daily

7.    Practice Self-Care Daily

8.    Spend time with God Daily

     Practices:   God’s love each day and Meditation on Psalm 139 and scriptures.

Here are some suggestions for you as a survivor. You may have done some of these already. It takes courage to get the help you need, to be empowered to take your life back. You can live more freely as the person God created you to be with gifts, talents, and a purpose.

1.     Write Your Story.

Many survivors have said writing and sharing their story was a part of their healing. They felt empowered to share their story with others so that others, too, can be encouraged. Don’t worry if you are not ready to share it with others right now. 

One survivor that I meet with for Spiritual Mentoring, told me that she was afraid of anyone to see her story.  I encouraged her to have a private file on her computer with only her knowing the password.  Or write it by hand and hide it somewhere safe. Her fear eased as she picked up the pen.

When you finish, read it out loud to God. Find a safe person to share your story with. This helps unlock the trauma trapped in the brain and unlock the shame you have been carrying since

the “secret” will be no more.

2.    Find a Good Therapist and/or Somatic Practitioner

My friend, Karen, is a retired therapist. She recommends that you ask for a free-of-charge, fifteen-minute initial consultation so you can decide whether this person is a good fit for you. Also, you can find out their fee, whether they are on your insurance plan, and whether they offer a sliding scale.

Trauma gets trapped in the body. It is stored in the limbic brain located at the lower back of the head.  The limbic brain stores and processes both emotions and memories. When a person is abused, that experience becomes lodged in the limbic brain, which governs major physiological functions: the heart, the immune, digestive, reproductive, and hormonal systems. A trained Somatic Practitioner can help release trapped trauma in the brain and throughout the body.

3.    Find a Support Group

After I shared my story, found a good therapist, I also found a support group of women who listened with compassion.  We called ourselves, “The Three Amigas.”   Each of us took turns sharing for ten minutes without interruption, cross-talking, comments, or advice. We did offer each other compassion and encouragement. Then we prayed for one another.

I felt Heard. Seen. Known. Loved.

1.     Know the Truth vs Toxic Shame

The trauma created a feeling of not being good enough at times. Although it took time, as healing does, I learned the difference between truth and toxic shame. Shame is like a cancer to the soul. Shame robs us of our worth as the beloved and our intimate relationship with God.  It lies deep within, permeating our whole being.

Toxic Shame                                                                                   Truth

I am not worthy                                                           I am a child of God

I am not enough                                                          I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Not sure what I did wrong                                        Clearly know I what I did wrong

Leads to feelings of low self-worth                          Confidence, healthy self-worth

Draws me away from God, feel unloved                 Leads to a feeling of being loved by God

Self-deprecation, lack of self-love                            Healthy self-acceptance and self-worth

It was my fault                                                             It was not my fault. It was assault.

I am still a victim.                                                        I was a victim of abuse but no longer a victim. 

It was about sex.                                                          It was about power and control.

I am stuck.                                                                    With God and support, I can become free.

Next week, I will continue to blog on more tips for survivors. Please remember:

Abuse Has No Excuse