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Tip # 4 Know When to Refer

Most survivors of sexual trauma need and benefit from therapy. I sure did.  I wait and hear their story before I refer. I ask a few questions to see where they are and what their desires are. Referring too soon may send a message that you do not care and do not want to listen.

 

After listening to someone, when the timing is right, you can ask, “What has helped in the past? What worked for you?”

 

This gives the person an opportunity to tell you about any counseling, therapy, 12-step, healing prayer services, small covenant groups or other types of healing activities in which they have taken part.

Survivors can benefit from seeing a therapist and a spiritual director at the same time. Therapy was necessary and insightful for me, but deeper healing happened with God.

 

Here are some reasons for referral but not limited to:

  • Mandatory abuse of a minor or elder.

  • Causing harm to themselves or others.

  • Crisis.

  • Repressed Trauma.

  • Deep Anxiety.

  • Trauma trapped in Body. One woman said she cringed when hugged. (I don’t greet with a hug unless I am invited). EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing therapy is helpful.

  • Addictions.   

  • Depression.

  • When that voice inside of you says this is over my head.

 

If you are a clergy, ministry leader or spiritual director, I encourage you to have a list of referral sources including therapists and local organizations that help with trauma.


SART, the Sexual Assault Response Team of San Diego County, is a victim-sensitive program designed to provide a team approach to responding to sexual assaults in our community.

The team consists of a specially trained nurse examiner to provide an evidentiary examination and medical support, a law enforcement officer to conduct an investigation and provide emergency assistance, and a victim advocate who is there to provide emotional support, referrals, and information to the victim.

Thousands of victims have been assisted and counseled by the SART team. Before SART, most victims endured the aftermath of assault by themselves, feeling frightened and alone.

The San Diego SART program has been very successful in meeting the needs of sexual assault victims and is now perceived as a nationwide leader.

If you need guidance and assistance, please call one of the resource numbers below or see the Resource Pamphlet at bottom of page for complete information:

  • Center for Community Solutions (CCS) Rape Crisis Hotline: 888-385-4657

  • Women's Resource Center (WRC): 760-757-3500

  • Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE (4673)

  • Department of Defense Sexual Assault Prevention & Response (SAPR) Helpline:  877-995-5247

  • Indian Health Council: 760-749-1410 x5357 or x5326

  • La Jolla Band of Luiseno Indians Avellaka Program: 760-685-4736 

  • Southern Indian Health Council, Inc: 619-445-1188

  • Strong Hearted Native Women's Coalition: 760-644-4781

  • District Attorney Victim Assistance Program: 619-531-4041

  • Child Protective Services: 858-560-2191



Summary

 

Many survivors of sexual trauma shared with me of the hurtful things people say and do, even in the church and withing the family. Although not intentional, people don’t know what to do and say.

Sexual trauma is an uncomfortable topic. In Summary:

  

Tip 1    Offer compassionate listening and compassion statements.

 

Tip 2    Avoid Christian platitudes

 

Tip 3     Assure them the abuse was not their fault. Don’t compare one trauma with another.

 

Tip 4     Know when to refer.

  

For more information on how to accompany survivors, check out my book Not Alone, Transforming Trauma and Accompanying Survivors (2020) or Spiritual Direction with Survivors of Sexual Trauma (2023).  There is also a section of open-ended questions for spiritual directors, clergy, and mentors. In both Not Alone books, there are many spiritual practices that heal.  I will share a few of these in my July Blog. You can find my books on Amazon. Search under books and then type in my name and title of the book.

 

I offer workshops on how to accompany survivors of sexual trauma. And trainings for spiritual directors. Please contact me for more information.

  

May God grant you wisdom, strength, and blessings as you journey with those who have suffered from trauma.



 
 
 

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