Tip #3 Assure them it was not their fault.

Certain sayings such as, “What were you wearing?” or “Well, you went out and drank with him?” places blame on the victim.

Abuse has no excuse.

When she was twenty years old, Joy was kidnapped at gunpoint. He drove her to a dark, abandoned park where he raped her repeatedly.

Later, she blamed herself for wearing that black dress. A person asked her, “Why didn’t you jump out of the car?”  “Why didn’t you fight back?” “Why didn’t you grab the gun?” Are you kidding me??  Unless you are experienced in gun grabbing, don’t do it.  Joy was so frightened for her life that she just did what he told her. She did make the best choice at the time in order to survive.

Carol, who was 30 at the time, went out to a bar one night with her friends. There were these three guys who tried to pick up on them.  The girls declined but when they persisted, Carol got firm and told them to “F…off.”  

She woke up the next day in a hotel room, naked, bruised, and alone. A rape drug was slipped into her drink. The men had their way with her.

She blamed herself for a long time. “I shouldn’t have gone to the bar. I shouldn’t have been drinking. I shouldn’t have been rude.”  This was not her fault.  

Shoulda Coulda Woulda  is a dead end road.