Tamar's Story

For the month of May, I will share true stories from my fellow survivors with their permission.

First, Let’s start with Tamar’s Story from the Bible. Then I will share a bit of Leah’s story.

Adapted from 2 Samuel 13:1-22.

            I was the daughter of a king.  My father, King David, the second king of Israel, is considered one of the great kings of all time.  As a youth, he defeated the giant Goliath with only a sling shot.  He fought many battles over the years, achieving numerous victories.  Many people revered my father and still do so today.  And it is written that he had favor with God, since he was a man after God’s heart.

            Yet, he abandoned me at my greatest hour of need.

            My half-brother, Amnon, was obsessed with me even though I didn’t know it at the time.  One day, my father told me to prepare food for Amnon, since he was ill in bed.  I went to Amnon’s place and made him some bread.  When it was ready, I offered the pan of bread to him but he refused to take it.  He sent everyone out of the room.  He then asked me to bring the bread into his bedroom so he could eat it from my hand.  I felt uneasy but he is my brother and he is ill.  When I approached his bed, he grabbed me and said to come to bed with him.  I panicked and begged him to let me go.  I pleaded with him to go to our father, King David, to allow us to marry.  I did not want to live in disgrace.  Yet Amnon refused to listen to me.

            Then he raped me.

            I was devastated, full of disgrace and misery.  My soul felt so much anguish beyond words.  When it was over, Amnon looked at me with hatred in his eyes.  He told me to get out of his sight.  I felt like he had just jabbed a sword in my stomach and then twisted it to deepen the pain.  I fell on my knees, begging him not to send me away for that was even worse dishonor than what he did to me.  He refused to listen to me, threw me out and bolted the door behind me.

            I burst into tears.  I felt so defiled, so full of shame.  My heart was in a pit of despair.  I tore my richly ornamented robe since I was no longer a virgin and put ashes on my head.  Tears of grief were overflowing from my tormented soul.

            Then Absalom, my brother, heard my crying.  He suspected that Amnon had raped me.  Instead of consoling me or doing something to help me, he told me to be quiet.  Just keep it a family secret.  Don’t air the family’s dirty laundry.  These were the words I heard flowing from his mouth.  I then went to live with Absalom as a desolate and shunned woman.

            My father, David, heard what happened.  I said to myself, surely my father will do something.  He will avenge this misdeed for me.  He has fought enemies and slayed Goliath and he is a man after God’s heart.  I heard my father was furious at Amnon.

            And yet…he did nothing.

            I felt like I had a triple betrayal:  first my brother, Amnon, then Absalom, and now my own father.  Sometimes I feel it hurt me more that my father did nothing to help me than the actual attack.  I lived the rest of my life in shame.

Leah was one of the little girls in my neighborhood.  Mr. Berger molested her, too. Unlike me, she told her parents. They marched her down to the Bergers house and confronted them.

They denied it. Before long, her parents believed she made the whole thing up. Word got around that she was the neighborhood liar. The parents of her friends no longer welcomed her. She lost all her friends. She told me that this is what messed her up the most.

It was as if she was wearing a red scarlet letter. Like Tamar, she had invisible ashes on her head. Like many women, Leah experienced double and triple betrayals.

How do you relate to Tamar?  Or to Leah?