Sexual Assault Awareness Month

You are Not Alone!

Did you know that one in three women and one in six men will experience some kind of sexual assault in their lifetime? 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  Sexual assault is a display of power and control by the perpetrator against the victim. It is about power, violence, and control over another person, not sex. The assault can be anywhere from non-contact (exhibition, exposing one to porn, photographing without consent) to contact (touching, using objects, and intercourse).

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (National Sexual Violence Resource Center, n.d.):

• Most victims are female (88-92%). There are fewer male victims (8-12%).

• In the US, one out of three women has experienced some form of sexual trauma.

• In the US, one out of six men has experienced some form of sexual trauma.

• Women between 16-19 have the highest rate of sexual abuse.

• In 8 out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator.

• Fifty-one percent of women reported rape by an intimate partner, 40% by an acquaintance.

• One in 4 girls and one in 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before 18 yrs.

• Ninety percent of campus (college) sexual assault is not reported.

Some common reasons for not reporting are shame, embarrassment, fear of exposure of family members, and blaming oneself for the event. Men are less likely to report than women.

As leader of Not Alone group for women and survivor of childhood molestation, I will share from personal experiences of sexual trauma over the next four months, (Saturday) here on my blog.  April will cover statistics, true stories, and some manifestations of sexual trauma. In May, you will read true stories from guest bloggers. In June, I will blog on how to accompany a survivor as a spiritual director, mentor, clergy, family, or friend. Finally in July, I will share some spiritual practices that heal.

Something that breaks the secret power of shame is to tell your story. I know its difficult. What will people think?  What will they say? This is so painful!   And yet if there was this infected, puss-filled wound, the relief of having that lanced, healed, and stitched is so worth it. The pain will subside and one will live more freely.  Since I ask you to share your story with a safe, trusted person, I will share mine with you.

My Story

  It felt like she jabbed me with a stiletto and then twisted it. Sue, a leader at my church, verbally attacked me one day on the phone. When I hung up, I slowly sunk down into a fetal position and cried.

 Although unintentional, those hurtful words poked a deep buried wound inside of me. On a scale of one to ten, it was a five. But I made it a ten. Why did I overreact?? Little did I know this pivotal moment in my mid-life would be the start of my healing journey.

I found a competent, safe psychologist. She pointed out to me that Sue shamed me, which opened a buried wound with pus slowly leaking out.  That wound was from childhood molestation.

The Bergers were a fun family in our neighborhood. Lindsey Berger was my best friend at the time. There were a lot of us little girls who gathered at their house. Parties, cake, candy, games, playing dress up, swimming in the pool. Like the story of Hansel and Gretel.  A house full of fun…yet there was an evil witch. Or should I say monster.

At first, I was defensive when my psychologist told me the molestation affected me. I firmly stated I was not a child molester nor into porn. Those thoughts repulsed me. She looked me in the eye and said,

“You have self-worth and trust issues.”

Suddenly, a light bulb went on inside my head.

I struggled with trusting my own intuition…those red flags that tell me something is wrong here, not safe. I also felt not good enough at times. I lacked confidence trying something new until I experienced some success. Fear of rejection and failure held me back at times.

Through therapy, time with my spiritual director, and engaging in various spiritual practices with God, I am grateful for the healing in my life. I have learned to trust God and know in my heart I am his Beloved Daughter. A new confidence and courage have emerged in me. I am freer to be who God created me to be and am living out my purpose which is to offer hope and healing to my fellow survivors.

You can experience healing, too.